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Ask Virginia

Regulars | By Virginia Ironside | August Issue

Our agony aunt doles out wisdom and answers to our readers' questions

In grief, it’s fine to be ‘fine’ Q  My beloved husband died suddenly last year. I have a supportive family and we have all been suffering from shock and the utter misery of losing a much-loved husband and father. My problem is that kind friends ask me, ‘How are you?’ – and I just don’t know what to say. I am bereaved and, after 54 years with the right man, I am finding it hard to establish a solitary identity. The last thing I want to do is to talk about my feelings. I have heard other people say, when tragedy strikes, that people ignore them or cross the street to avoid contact. Well, I am getting to the state when I long for people to do just that. Other people who have themselves suffered bereavement never ask me how I am – they know! They say things like, ‘Hello...

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