I got a call from the Today programme one night.
They expect you to salivate at the very mention of their programme, jump to attention and drop everything.These radio johnnies, eh, on the so-called posh progs, they really can be up their own bums. Like me, really.
I said, ‘Ring me back later. I’m frightfully busy.’
I was watching England. But, at half-time, as England were so rubbish, I rang Today back to find out they wanted.
I assumed they were stuck for someone to twit on about football or the Beatles. It turned out to be the latter – something about Paul McCartney going on tour at 82.
I said there was nothing remarkable about that. How very ageist of you. When I was 82, I was still playing football and had five girlfriends.
But I agreed to go on. Then I got a strange text
message from one of the producers. ‘Can I just confirm with you, as we are in an election period, if you are a candidate or a former candidate for a political party.’ I had to think. I do now forget things.
Last time was in 1957, when I stood for election to be Senior Man of the JCR at my college at Durham. I got in, by the way. The interview was done by the lovely Mishal Husain, my wireless pin-up. I rather messed her around by immediately asking if she had heard the news. ‘What news?’ I said Gareth Southgate was calling up Macca to give some life and imagination to England’s midfield. Hee hee, what a tease.
Of course I was pleased to be on Today, as I listen to it every day, but I probably won’t be asked again, after mucking them around.
All in the Mind I also quite regularly listen to – but rarely really deliberately. It seems to come on when I am about to turn off. So I listen to a bit, if just to scoff as a Medical Professor of the Bleeding Obvious tells us to try breathing. It does help keep you alive.
This time the subject was toxic positivity. Me neither – so I hung on, hoping to learn something.
Apparently, when someone is moaning about being poorly, having a headache, under stress, about to have a serious operation, or possibly dying, you should never say to them, ‘Chin up – don’t worry.’
This causes them harm and distress. You demoralise them and make their condition worse by dismissing rather than sharing their worries. Dear God, what is the world coming to?
I remember my mother, when I had a cold, flu or, worst of all, an asthma attack, would say, ‘You never died a winter yet.’ Which was clearly true.
This was during the war when we had other things to worry about, such as being bombed. We all had to keep our chins up, keep smiling through.
There was a woman in our street on our council estate who was said to have had a nervous breakdown. When my mother heard, she reacted as she usually reacted to people sharing their pain.
My mother had four children under five (two were twins), a sick husband in bed and no income, and was poorly herself with varicose veins.
So she did not have much time for sharing.
She would look upwards, roll her eyes and mutter, ‘Oh help.’
Then she would pause. ‘We could all have a nervous breakdown, if we had the time.’
I think, at 88, I am finally turning into my mother.
