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Barry Cryer's favourite Scottish joke

Blog | By Barry Cryer | Jun 25, 2020

I love Scotland – and Scottish jokes, like the ones Graeme Garden and I tell in our Hamish and Dougal stories on I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. Edinburgh and Glasgow accents in particular have their own little quirks that lend themselves to jokes. Here's one of my favourite.


A laird and his ghillie are fishing not far from Edinburgh.

'Ah,' says the laird. 'I've been bitten on the nose.'

The laird's nose starts bleeding.

'Oh, your lairdship, I'm so sorry – that's a rare horsefly,' says the ghillie. 'It normally likes to bite a horse's arse.'

'You're not saying my face is indistinguishable from a horse's arse?' says the outraged laird.

'Och,' said the ghillie. 'This type of horsefly is a clever, wee one. It isn't bamboozled easily.'