ON THE OCCASION OF MY ? BIRTHDAY
FAKE NEWS, FAKE NEWS! IT’S GOING LIVE!
THEY’RE SAYING THE DAME IS SEVENTY FIVE!
TAKE AWAY THE YEAR OF HER BIRTH, MINUS ELEVEN
THE REVERSE IS TRUE- SHE’S FIFTY SEVEN!
CROSS MY HEART AND HOPE TO DIE
THIS RUMOUR IS A BIG FAT LIE!
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY HAS NO CONNOTATIONS
I GET OVER- EXCITED BY VACCINATIONS.
.
BECAUSE MY BIRTH WAS IN ‘FORTY SIX
WHEN A YOYO WAS HOW YOU GOT YOUR KICKS,
AND VIMTO AND VIROL WERE YOUR REGULAR FIX
AND YOU NEVER CHECK’D TIMES FOR YOUR LOCAL FLICKS
FAKE NEWS? YES I’M PART OF THE BABY BOOM
BUT I MUST BE YOUNG ‘COS I’VE MASTERED ZOOM.
I CAN WATCH THE REPAIR SHOP WITHOUT BLUBBING
BUT FOR COVID19 I’D BE OUT THERE CLUBBING.
MY EYES ARE BRIGHT, I’VE STILL GOT A TWINKLE
REGARD MY NECK. DO YOU SEE A WRINKLE? …..(should have gone to Specsavers ?)
IF MY BOSOM’S NOT PERT AND THERE’S ROLLS ON MY TUM
DO I RUSH TO SHOVE BOTOX INTO MY BUM?
BUGGER MINDFULNESS AND MEDITATION
JOE WICKS AND COLONIC IRRIGATION….
AFTER GUIDO AND JACK, WHO’S GONNA MAKE PASSES
AT A DAME IN A MASK WITH STEAMED UP GLASSES?
BUT CROSS MY HEART AND HOPE TO LIVE
SOMETHING SOON MAY HAVE TO GIVE.
SHOULD I LEAVE THE STAGE AND DO SOMETHING NEWISH?
IS IT TIME I STOPPED BEING QUITE SO JEWISH?
FOR NOW, I’M JUST THANKING GOD ABOVE
FOR THIS ELBOW-KISS DAY WITH FRIENDS I LOVE
A WALK, A LAUGH, SOME HEALTHY EATERS
A JUG OF WINE AND THEE ‘NEATH PATIO HEATERS.
FINALLY A FAKE NEWS QUESTION -
I’M AFRAID IT’S RATHER WEIGHTY -
WILL YOU TOAST ME AGAIN IN 2026,
WHEN THE BASTARDS SAY I’M EIGHTY?
